The Battle of Longings: Finding Clarity, Freedom, and True Success

I’ve always felt a pull in two directions.

On one hand, I wanted to be a devoted father, a husband fully present, and a man who walked closely with God.

On the other hand, I had the drive to build something big—something significant in business that would leave a lasting impact.

For years, I wrestled with the tension. Could I do both? Did I have to choose?

I see this same struggle in so many of the entrepreneurs I coach. They want to be successful in business, but they also want time with their families. They long for a slower, more intentional life, but they feel the pressure to push harder, do more, and chase bigger goals.

This tension is real. But the way we navigate it determines whether we live a life of deep fulfillment or one of endless striving.

The First Step: Asking the Right Questions

Most people never stop long enough to ask themselves what they truly want.

They just keep running toward the next milestone, assuming that once they get there, everything will make sense.

But clarity always comes before peace.

Whenever I coach someone through this, I start with questions like:

What are you really chasing?

What do you believe this success will give you?

If money weren’t an issue, what would your perfect day look like?

I’ve had clients tell me they want to build a business that allows them to travel the world… until they realize what they truly want is simply more time at home with their kids.

Others say they want financial freedom, only to discover that their definition of freedom is not about money at all, but about being able to step away from work whenever they choose.

When you slow down and reflect, you often find that what you really desire is far simpler than you thought.

Simplicity is the Key to Having It All

I used to believe that if I wanted a successful business and a great family life, I’d have to constantly be balancing the two—pushing and pulling, giving and taking.

But I’ve since learned that the key isn’t balance. It’s simplicity.

The more complicated your life, the more difficult it is to have the things that truly matter—love, connection, faith, and peace.

We think we need it all:

The high-income career and the flexible schedule.

The luxury lifestyle and the unhurried life.

The thriving business and the ability to step away whenever we choose.

But what if success isn’t about adding more, but about needing less?

What if the way to truly have it all is to let go of what’s distracting you from what matters most?

I’ve worked with entrepreneurs who told me they “had” to keep grinding because they needed to maintain their lifestyle.

Yet when we peeled back the layers, they realized their lifestyle wasn’t serving them at all.

They were trapped in a cycle of making more just to keep up with expectations—expectations that weren’t even their own.

But once they let go of what wasn’t necessary, they found something incredible:

They could live the life they wanted now—not 10 years from now.

The Problem is Never Money. It’s What You Think Money Will Give You.

I once coached a woman who desperately wanted to be home with her kids. She made $125,000 a year, and her husband made $100,000.

She told me they couldn’t afford for her to stay home.

When I asked why, she talked about their big house, the BMW and Lexus, and their country club membership.

She was trapped by her own success.

I asked her, “What do you really want?”

She told me:

To cook breakfast for her kids in the morning.

To take them to school.

To pick them up in the afternoon.

When I asked how badly she wanted this, she said, “More than anything.”

So I told her, “Then the decision should be easy.”

She teared up. She wanted it.

But then she said, “What will people think if we sell the house and downsize?”

That’s when I saw it.

She wasn’t held back by money.

She was held back by what other people might think.

She had built a life that looked successful from the outside, but didn’t give her what she truly wanted.

And I see this every day.

People are chasing a version of success that isn’t actually theirs.

People are sacrificing what they want most for things that don’t matter.

Your Vision Should Drive Your Decisions—Not the Other Way Around

If you don’t take control of your vision, your circumstances will always control you.

You will drift toward what’s expected.

 You will chase what others say success should look like.

 You will keep putting off the life you want for a future that never comes.

But the people who define success for themselves—and make decisions based on that vision—are the ones who truly live.

I see it all the time in my mastermind groups.

When entrepreneurs get crystal clear on their vision, they start making different choices.

They stop chasing what doesn’t matter.

They simplify their lives so they can focus on what they do.

They build businesses that serve them, not the other way around.

And because they surround themselves with others on the same journey, they stay on track.

They stop drifting.

They start living with intention.

Are You Ready to Stop Chasing and Start Living?

If you’ve been feeling torn between competing desires, maybe it’s time to stop trying to have it all and start asking:

What do I actually want?

What am I willing to let go of?

How can I simplify my life so I can experience real freedom?

These are the questions that change everything.

If you’re ready to gain clarity, surround yourself with like-minded people, and start building a life that truly aligns with your vision, I invite you to learn more at SteveCook.com.

I don’t work with everyone.

But if this resonates with you, and you’re ready to stop chasing someone else’s version of success, I’d love to help you take the next step.

Go to stevecook.com/Coaching and explore what’s possible.

Because true success isn’t about having more, it’s about needing less.

And when you get that right, everything changes.